Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Randomize
