8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
