If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
