I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Randomize
