all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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