the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
