I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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