i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
