She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
