The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
