Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
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