i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
