We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
