Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Randomize
