don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
