It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
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