shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
