i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
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