I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
