I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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