It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
