I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
