the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Randomize
