Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I need to calm my uterus...
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Randomize
