awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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