how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
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