They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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