my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Your penis caused this!
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