then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
