Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
