I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
