Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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