"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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