my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
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