That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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