even my farts smell like vagina
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
