dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Randomize
