This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
