he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
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