he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
