he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
