Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
