why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Randomize
