her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
