hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
lets start a swedish sibling band together
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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