: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
