im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
