Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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