You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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