guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
