I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
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