Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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