Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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