I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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