he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
